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Every day we fight with our elementary schooler to tidy their rooms or struggle with our tweens and teenaged kids to set the parenting boundary. We come across phases where both a child and parent lose control and fight turns out to be ugly. What should be the healthy parenting strategy to stop the argument without an extreme measure?

“I need you to listen to me,” said, my daughter. “No, I won’t, until you learn to behave.” It is an on-going fight that we encounter in our demanding and stressful parenting roles. Back in the days, children were disciplined using harsher ways. However, with changing parenting rules and guidelines, the fight with our kids have turned out to be more verbal and auditory – yelling and screaming.

The intimidating fact!

In recent research carried out in Britain, the results of the survey revealed that parents argue with their kids almost 2184 times a year, which lasts each for approximately 8 minutes. That turns out to be 2184 x 8 = 241 hours spend in disciplining the child.

The question arises, how to successfully teach a child without entering into a battle zone?

A parent feels that compliance can be brought upon by harsh words and punishment. However, spanking and yelling have never resulted in positive behavior and instead lead to more conflicts. It resolves the conflict temporarily; however, in the long run, it can lead to a weak trust bond and make them a rebellion. Remember, Do not Scream and Learn to manage your emotions before reacting to any situation. What alternative methods we have?

Keep your calm behavior and pause for a minute before reacting.

One of the top arguments with school-aged young kids is when they attempt to manipulate parents with tantrums, whines, and the screams. No matter how bad it sounds, keep your calm behavior. Although tempting, yelling in such cases to counter the high energy kid’s cry never works. Approaching a method to ignore their tantrums will work. Stay out of the tantrum zone and breathe in such rough moments.

Be firm to your parenting boundary and do not give up!

The majority of the parents resort to compromises to bring down an argument and keep the peace. They reward them with a toy, screen time, or money. On the one hand, it does bring down the discussions, but at the same time, it raises the discipline boundary for a child. Do not forget, children are smart, and now they know how far they can push their parents to close their deal of discipline.
With tweens and teenagers, it doesn’t get any easier. It is the phase when they look for support from their friends besides their parents. With multiplying conflicts in the home, they tend to seek an alternative way to justify themselves. They ask for approval and power to control. Parents who enter into disputes with their grown-up kids, are resisted and are at the mercy of their kids to gain respect. One way to deal with such a situation is to stay calm but firm to your parenting boundary. Help the children to grow by staying on their side and managing their emotional conflict.
Disengaging from the battle and not providing your child a competitor to fight with, will eventually bring an end to the power struggle.
Remember, whenever we enter into a tug-of-war conflict, stay calm, and do not give your children the power to overwhelm you. Do not retaliate, and at the same time, do not give up! Do not perceive your child as a grown-up adult. Be the role model to your child and grow into a better parent every day.


There is no better way of parenting, and no method is considered to be the only right one. It is not easy, but this too shall pass.